Try, Try, Again
by Tamlin
Summary: In the entire history of The Planet, no one has ever said that Turks give up easily.Vincent vs. the crystal.Mano y mano. Rated for Cid's mouth.


AN: Yes, Vincent goes OOC as the story progresses. If you pay attention to what is happening you might just get why he's going OOC. It's intentional.

Try, Try, Again.

By Tamlin

In the entire history of The Planet, no one has ever said that Turks give up easily.

* * *

Vincent stood in Lucrecia's cave eyeing the crystal his beloved was trapped in. Now that the world was safe from insane generals, rampaging Jenova clones, and subterranean nutcakes, it was time to get on with his real mission in life: to free Lucrecia. The only problem was how to do it.

He had spent weeks trying to make sense of Lucrecia's doctoral dissertation, hoping for some clue to free her. It had gained him a wildly extended vocabulary, a few helpful hints he'd dearly wished he'd known before about controlling Chaos, a recipe for cheese blintzes that someone had tucked into the book as a place marker (It had been abandoned on page six by a much saner, or less stubborn person then him), and a migraine. It however didn't tell him how to free Lucrecia.

The cheese blintzes had been good though.

He dug through the pack he'd brought and pulled out a hammer and a small chisel. He considered his beloved for a second then decided to test the chisel on a smaller, nonrelated crystal. It was better to be safe then endanger his darling. He set the edge of the chisel against the crystal and gave the head a tap with the hammer. The chisel slipped a little on the slick surface, but the crystal was unmarred.

_A little harder then._ He thought and set the chisel against the surface again, this time pinging the hammer against it a little more forcefully. The chisel slipped again. Vincent frowned slightly, adjusted his grip and took a deep breath. He took a quick look over his shoulder at his love for encouragement then set the chisel again.

_Since it's only a test, no reason to be delicate._ With a decisive nod, he raised the hammer and brought it down harder on the chisel. The chisel slipped and skittered wildly skittering across the back of his metal gauntlet. He inspected the metal glove. Shook the tiny tingle of pain out of that hand, and tightened his grip on the chisel. _Just need to hold it a bit tighter._

**00) **

Vincent sat outside the cave huddled grumpily under his cloak glaring at his small campfire and vindictively tossing tiny bits of the shattered hammer haft into the flames. The chisel had long settled to the bottom of the lake where he'd chucked it when he'd emerged from the cave after nearly pounding the thing into a pancake. The hammer had lasted a bit longer. The tiny test crystal was still as smooth and unblemished as it had been before he'd started.

Obviously chiseling Luctetia free was going to be a bit more difficult than he'd first thought. He needed something a bit more powerful, perhaps a larger chisel. There had been a wide variety at the store. He had chosen a smaller one thinking that control would be more important than speed.

He could get to Neibelhiem and back tomorrow if he got up early and hurried. He settled down, tossing the last of the hammer pieces into the fire, and pulling his cape closer to him. He looked back to the cave one last time.

"Good night, Lucrecia."

**00) **

The hardware store was Chisel Paradise (there was a sign over the chisel display declaring this to be true). There were hundreds of them, big ones the size of Barret's leg, tiny ones so small they looked like they were made of wire, gold ones, silver ones, ones made of mystery metal that had a weird oily look to it, some were painted pink, some had names like Mack's Mauler or Jimbo's Powerhouse, some had little advertisements proclaiming "As Seen On TV!"

The pimply kid that had led him over to the display stood slouching boredly to one side trying to give off the image of being too cool to work in a hardware store, but seeing the only place in Neibelhiem that could even remotely be considered cool, and only if you were desperate or living in Neibelhiem, was Bubba's Bar where the old men hung out sipping stale beer and trying to look like they had lived there their whole lives when in fact they still had trouble remembering where the general store was (It had never been rebuilt by Shinra due to budget considerations, but there was a place that looked like it that occasionally sold life insurance, but was mostly used by the local kids as a place to hang out and pretended it was a trendy coffee shop. Someone had actually gotten hold of a real Neibelheim relic, an old sofa from the half buried trash pit up in the hills, and dragged it back so they could sit on it with their feet on an a stack of old pallets while drinking coffee out of a thermos.)

"I need to break a mako crystal." Vincent inspected a yellow chisel named Big Bob's Buster which proudly proclaimed it could chisel through your toughest problems and had a blurry figure that looked similar to Cloud waving his buster sword printed on the package.

The kid reached out and grabbed a chisel the size of his forearm. "This one should do it. Need anything else?"

Vincent took the chisel. It was one of the weird oily ones and was called Chisel Charles's Wonder Worker. "A hammer."

The kid waved vaguely to the other side of the store. "They're over there."

Taking that as an indication the kid was too cool to look at hammers, he went searching. After wandering through aisles of manure (not pleasant with enhanced senses), nails, green plastic frogs that burped when their motion sensors were tripped (Vincent fled that aisle quickly with a long line of frogs burping after him), saws, chains, electrical tools, plastic lawn furniture, bug killer, lawn mower pieces, bubbling fountains, and citronella candles. He finally located hammers right by a display of hummingbird feeders and sundials (which were on sale for 75 off, and gathering a thick layer of dust.)

He chose a nice all metal one with a thick cushioned grip named aptly THE HAMMER: Accept NO Substitutes. He gave it a few test swings, just to get the feeling of it, and on the way out picked up a few packages of citronella candles for lighting the cave so he could work longer. As he waited for the checkout clerk to wind a fresh roll of receipt paper into the machine, he picked up a sleeping bag from a nearby display, then reading the sign (Buy One, Get One Free) he picked up another one. Lucrecia would need one when he got her out. He also found a Quickie Snap Mini Fire Materia that would light any campfire (20 Off), and a pack of Old Mideel's Chocobo Jerky. (He never saw anyone in Medeel make jerky but food was food, right?)

It was late by the time he arrived back at the cave, the sun had already gone down and he'd had to stumble around relying on his night vision to navigate the rocky ground. He dropped his things by the remains of the last campfire. He walked into the cave and bowed reverently to his love. She was still sleeping peacefully in the glowing crystal, her perfect face serene.

"I'm back, Lucrecia." He sat down on the sandy floor, gazing at her adoringly. "Tomorrow. You will be free tomorrow."

**00) **

He yawned and pushed his way free of his sleeping bag, blinking around at the clear, bright, mountain morning. A small breeze frisked playfully through his hair as he stretched. His new hammer and chisel were waiting for him at the entrance to the cave. He gobbled a handful of Old Mideel's Chocobo Jerky and with a hopeful swing in his step headed in to free his beloved.

An hour later he stomped out of the cave and heaved THE HAMMER: Accept NO Substitutes' bent, twisted form into the lake, followed by the shattered fragments of The Wonder Worker. He stood growling to himself for a moment, then picked up his pack and headed back to Neibelheim and the hardware store.

**00) **

"I don't know what that kid was thinking selling you that piece of crap." The grizzled, old man grumbled as he led Vincent back to Chisel Paradise. "That's used for breaking concrete." He swaggered up to a chisel that looked like it was made of slick black steel. "Mako crystal is difficult stuff, but this baby should cut it like a hot knife through butter."

Vincent took the chisel and inspected it. He liked it. Its smooth surface felt just like the barrel of a finely crafted gun. The metal had a smooth, competent gleam. It felt solid and dependable in his hand and the only label on it merely said The Cutter. It was smooth, elegant, refined.

"I need a hammer." Vincent stroked the chisel, still reveling in the tactile pleasure of smooth, cool metal.

"Just past the frogs." The old man pointed vaguely toward the other side of the store.

Vincent once again trudged past the line of burping frogs, turned down the aisle of candles, sneezed as his cape brushed a sundial, and finally stood in front of the hammers again. In honor of his new chisel, he carefully selected an appropriately deadly, though dignified looking hammer made of smooth, glossy black metal with a heavy head that was called Breaker, and wandered back towards the register.

This time the clerk was fighting with the plastic bag dispenser, so Vincent looked around and spotted a display of bright colorful marigolds. He picked one up and set it down with his purchases. Lucrecia had always liked flowers, and the small yellow and orange blossoms would be a nice cheery present for her. They even came in a small pot shaped like a miniature watering can. He also found a package of fluffy white towels (75 off) that would be handy for bathing, and a book he'd been meaning to read, _Wandering__ the Wastelands: 25 years of Solitude in Wutai_.

It was nearly the middle of the night when he finally arrived back in front of Lucrecia's cave. He set the new chisel and hammer down just inside the entrance, and slunk in to bid his love good night. She looked as radiant and beautiful as ever.

"I know I said you would be free today, but tomorrow, my love. I'm sorry for the wait." He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I got you a present though. I hope you like them." He set the marigolds down in front of her. "Good night, Lucrecia."

**00) **

He was sitting in Bubba's Bar the next day at noon, nursing a tall, tall glass of scotch and moodily sucking on the inch long cut on his right thumb. The Cutter and the Pounder had joined their predecessors in the lake earlier after The Cuttter had only succeeded in cutting him and even after beating on the crystal for an hour with The Pounder, he'd only managed to chip one of the rock walls in the cave after throwing the hammer in frustration. The crystal remained as pristine as before.

"I don't know what old Hank was telling you that for." Maurice shook his wrinkly head like a disapproving sage of tools. "Everyone knows the only way to cut through mako is with a drill."

Vincent looked at him. "A drill?"

"Ah ha." Maurice nodded again. "There's a drill for that. Got a point made from diamond. That's the only thing that'll do it."

Vincent downed his scotch, all eighteen ounces of it, in a few quick gulps, tossed some gil to the bartender and raced down to the hardware store. A perky girl named Jessica bounced over to show him the drill that Maurice had told him about. It was sleek. It was black. It looked like a blockier version of his Cerberus. It even had small scrolled engravings etched into the sides.

"This one's the top of the line." Jessica stroked the drill lovingly. "They use it in the mythril mines, but we keep it in stock for people trying to put in gardens." She giggled. "There's nothing as hard as Neibelheim rock."

Vincent took the drill with a small satisfied sigh. "Thank you. Where are the drill bits."

"Over there." Jessica waved vaguely towards the back of the store.

Vincent ventured off down aisles of cheerful gnomes, paints in various colors, plumbing fixtures, cabinets, fans, lights, wall paper, and saw blades till he found himself behind ventilation fixtures looking at a long row of drill bits. It took him awhile of carefully reading the packages, but eventually he found the right bit and with a happy, hopeful feeling went back to the register. A cheerful wind chime in the shape of an angel caught his eye. Thinking that Lucrecia would like the delicate thing, he picked it up. He also noticed a pair of work gloves and added them to his pile. The clerk was helping a housewife navigate the complexities of pipe cleaners, so while he waited he found another bag of Old Mideel Chocobo Jerky and an emergency medical kit.

It was nearly midnight when he got back to the cave. He set the drill, pillows, and medical kit down and went in to show Lucrecia his newest purchase.

"This is taking a bit longer than I thought." He hung the little wind chime off a tiny rock protrusion that jutted down from the cave's ceiling. "I found a drill though that should cut through." He looked at her longingly. "Soon, Lucrecia, soon."

**00) **

"Go over that part again." Cid grunted as he brought the hammer down on the pitted surface of Vincent's metal gauntlet. "You were just fuckin' with a drill, trying to get Lucrecia out of the fuckin' crystal and it just fuckin' slipped." Cid looked down at the dented, gouged, ripped metal he was trying to weld back together. "Just how many times did it fuckin' slip Vince?"

Vincent cradling his now heavily bandaged left hand mumbled. "Eight or ten."

"And the first fuckin' couple of times didn't tell you that you had shit for brains?" Cid used a pair of tongs to wrench one twisted plate back into something resembling its original form.

Vincent shook his head. "It was working."

"You're just fuckin' lucky it didn't take your hand off." Cid looked at Vincent's right hand that was suspiciously swollen. "Real fuckin' lucky." He turned back around. "Just be glad Shera got that fuckin' drill bit out of your hand. I don't care how altered that asshole made you, having a fuckin' piece of metal imbedded in your hand isn't fuckin' something to blow off."

Vincent shifted uncomfortably. He'd really been hopeful when a tiny chip had come off the test crystal. When the drill slipped and hit his hand the first time, he'd barely felt it. He'd just been too distracted by the idea that something was finally working. It hadn't been till the bit shattered sending the diamond point through the till now impervious gauntlet that he realized that once again he was doomed.

"It was working." He felt miserable about failing Lucrecia again. There had to be something, someway to get her out of the crystal. He looked up at his friend. "Do you have any ideas Cid?"

"Fuck. Try a jackhammer." Cid snarled absently, fighting with a large hole in the golden metal.

Vincent straightened up blinking. _Of course.__ Why didn't I think of that?_

**00) **

It was tricky getting a jackhammer up the side of the mountain, especially with a bandaged stitched together hand and another that he confidentially felt might just have a few stress fractures in it, but when he reached the cave mouth he felt a happy sense of triumph. He propped the jackhammer in the entrance and went to see his beloved.

"I'm sorry I worried you like that." He smiled lovingly at her. "But look," he held up his bandaged hand, but carefully hid his still swollen right hand in his cape, "all better now."

He noted that there was a bit of red on the bandages. He put his hand down quickly.

"Cid had a great idea. I'll try it tomorrow." He backed away keeping both of his hands hidden. "Good night, Lucrecia. By tomorrow, you'll be free."

**00) **

"Fuck. Are your fuckin' out of your fuckin' mind!" Cid bellowed from where he stood over Vincent waving his gauntlet at him. He'd come up the mountain to deliver the now repaired glove just to find Vincent sprawled across the cave floor bleeding. "Fuckin' idiot. You're fuckin' trying to fuckin' kill your fuckin' self."

Vincent nodded woozily at him, not entirely sure what his friend was yelling. Last thing he remembered was the jackhammer hitting the little test crystal and jerking backwards against his already pain filled hands. He was relatively sure that he'd gotten up after that, because he recalled another tiny chip falling off the crystal and placing the jackhammers drill bit against the chipped area with a happy sense of success. Everything got muddled after that.

"Just fuckin' look at you!" Cid tossed the metal glove down with a crash.

Vincent tried to do that, but failed as his eyesight blurred. He could guess by the amount of creativity in Cid's language that he'd hurt more than just his hands this time. He dimly wished Cid would cuss a little less loudly. It was causing a strange echoing sensation in his ears.

"Shit! That mother fuckin' Sephiroth didn't beat this fuckin' bad on your dumb ass!" Cid raved as he stomped over to the emergency medical kit.

Vincent lay still and blinked at the ceiling of the cave, hoping that Lucrecia wouldn't take this moment to wake up and check on what was happening around her. He didn't want her to be alarmed by him, or by Cid's colorful vernacular. He smiled faintly imagining her and Cid facing off. She had had quite a temper. He frowned, blinking worriedly. Yes, she had quite a temper. One that she'd never been shy about using on him when he'd done something to stupidly annoy her, and by the tone of Cid's voice he was sure she'd classify whatever he'd done to himself as very, very stupid.

"Where the fuck did you find this shitty med kit?" Cid came back into his somewhat limited field of vision. "It's only got plastic bandages and some bug repellent in it."

Vincent didn't even try to listen. He was busy trying to crawl out of the cave that seemed to have taken on the alarming habit of shifting about under him.

"Great. Just fuckin' great." Cid sighed and went to haul his only semi-coherent friend back to Rocket Town and medical attention.

**00) **

It was two weeks before Cid dropped his guard enough to allow Vincent to escape back to the cave. He'd put those weeks to good use and finally came up with a way to get his darling out of her crystal tomb.

He was going to shoot her out.

He wondered why he hadn't thought of it before.

**00) **

Cid tromped up the mountain with a scowl that felt engraved on his face. "Fuckin' idiot."

He blamed himself. Vincent had been more seriously hurt than he'd let on, and in the last week had developed a high fever. He'd made an emergency flight to Junon for a doctor that specialized in treating Hojo's former patients, and had left Vincent in Shera's care. Now, Shera was a good woman and all, but, damn she was slow, always poking about here, or poking about there, getting lost in calculations and measurements. She hadn't even noticed Vincent was gone till Cid raced through the door with the doctor in tow and found him missing.

"You had better not have done anything stupid." Cid muttered as he got to the campsite.

Vincent was nowhere to be seen. "Hey, Vince! You here?"

"Shhh." A soft voice hushed him. "It'll hear you."

The voice came from a bush at the edge of the small camp. Cid looked over and spotted Vincent hiding under the bush in a small, curled bundle of red and black tatters. His long black hair was in a sweaty mat down his back and his already glowing eyes were unnaturally bright, even for him.

"Get down. It might come out." Vincent motioned for him to hide.

Cid quickly dove behind a rock. "What's in there."

"Shhh." Vincent looked towards the cave. "You'll get it angry."

Cid cautiously maneuvered around the clearing till he was next to Vincent. He sighed heavily as he noticed the glassy half focused look in his friend's eyes, the sweat running down his temple into his hair, and the flush across his normally alabaster skin. He didn't need to touch him to know that the fever hadn't gone away, but had worsened.

"What's in there, Vince?" He tried again, whispering it softly into a fever flushed ear.

"A bullet." Vincent looked at him with deliriously sorrowful eyes. "I tried to shoot the crystal…"

Cid bit back a moan, already guessing where this was heading. One track mind didn't even begin to describe Vincent's obsessions.

"It ricocheted." Vincent looked back worriedly at the cave. "It's still in there."

Cid listened and could hear the zing and snap of something moving at high speed around the cave. "I take it shooting it doesn't work either."

Vincent shook his head solemnly.

"Okay, junior. We're heading out." Cid got up and hoisted his friend up. "Let's leave the bullet alone till it calms down.

"But, what if it comes after us?" Vincent worried as he dangled folded in half over Cid's shoulder.

"It won't be a problem if we aren't here. Now will it?" Cid trudged down the path to where the Shera waited for them on the other side of the mountain.

**00) **

Vincent lay on the bed looking up at the ceiling of Cid's guest bedroom. Shera was puttering around down below, probably making him some more tea. Cid had her well trained. He wondered if Lucrecia would make him drink tea. He didn't remember any tea fetishes, but if she wanted tea, he would always be more than happy to make her some.

He yawned and curled into the blankets. He really felt that Cid was overreacting to the situation. He was hardly in any danger. A few broken bones were hardly going to do much more than be an annoyance to him. Hojo had seen to that. Perfect monster-soldiers don't fall over because they get a few minor injuries. Still, it was nice to sleep in a real bed for a time.

It was even nicer to finally come up with THE solution he'd been searching for. Obviously, the crystal was made of much more durable stuff than he'd first thought. Chisels, no matter how powerful, would never cut mako crystal. The drill, and its larger cousin the jackhammer, were also out. He'd have to use something more powerful.

He'd brooded over the problem for days while Cid and his doctor hovered over him shrieking threats and dire predictions if he so much as sat up to get a drink of water. He'd despaired when he realized that even a bullet from Cerberus couldn't pierce the crystal. It seemed Cerberus could take down armor plated helicopters, demons, and even pierce the hide of a Bahamat summon, but it only ricocheted around in a cavern full of those crystals. But Cid, his ingenious friend, had finally given him the answer. Some day he'd have to repay him for his help, even if he didn't know he'd done it.

The answer was simple. Dynamite.

**00) **

Cid crept up the mountain, watching the column of smoke rise from the vicinity of Lucrecia's cave. He was feeling old this morning, much too old to be chasing an ex-Turk with a raging obsessive compulsive disorder around mountains when the ex-Turk was toting a case of dynamite. It made his bones ache. It made him want to turn tail and head back home to Shera and a nice cup of milk tea.

Of course, he expected the worst. Vincent splattered around the inside of the cave, or maybe a charred corpse at the campsite. He figured that he'd probably have to spend the rest of the afternoon scraping Vincent off his beloved's mako crystal. What he didn't expect was a happy Vincent holding a tiny shard of crystal in his hand.

"Hey, Vince." Cid looked around the campsite, absently kicking a small tin watering can that looked like it might have been one of those cheap flowerpot things Shera was always dragging home to brighten the kitchen. "What's up."

Vincent offered him the crystal with the look of someone holding a holy relic. "It worked."

Cid glanced over to the smoke pouring out of the cave mouth, then, with a suffering sigh, turned to inspect Vincent. Blood now traced down the side of his face from his hair line down past the collar of his cape. His hair, that had been thoroughly scrubbed and lovingly combed out by Shera, was now matted with dirt, blood, and bits of rock, with a fine grey dusting of pulverized rock and ash. His clothing was even more tattered than usual and Cid didn't overlook that Vincent's gauntlet and one of his boots were now missing. He looked around the campsite wondering if he'd need a metal detector to locate them.

"Yeah, great. It worked." Cid knelt down to look at his friend more closely. _Yep. One pupil is definitely larger than the other. __Great.__Just __fuckin__' great.__ I wonder if __Hojo__ modified him so much just to compensate for him being a masochist. _"Tell you what. Let's go celebrate."

Vincent shook his head. "I've got to get Lucrecia out."

Vincent staggered to his feet and started walking towards the lake. He paused swaying then wobbled around as he turned back and stumbled back into the cave.

Cid sighed sitting down on a chunk of newly excavated rock and put his heads in his hands. "I'm too fuckin' old for this shit."

Vincent wobbled back out of the cave. "Cid, do you have any more dynamite?"

**00) **

"Because you fuckin' live on a fuckin' island."Cid cornered Yuffie waving his cigarette under her nose. "Just make sure he," he jabbed the cigarette towards where Vincent was now chained in thick mythril chains and bandaged to the point he looked like an escapee from a horror movie sat blinking slowly and dazedly at nothing in particular. "doesn't get off the fuckin' island."

"But…I…" Yuffie, the greatest ninja in the world, bit her lip uncertainly. "I can't have a guy in my room. My dad would flip."

"I don't fuckin' care." Cid snarled. "Just keep him the fuck here till he's thinking straight."

"But Cid…" Yuffie shifted side to side. "Can't we just get Cloud to do it?"

Cid stomped away muttering curses, leaving Yuffie with a trussed Vincent. Yuffie looked worriedly at her friend, who was presently blinking at the grass as if it had done something surprising. It wasn't so much that her dad would flip, it was the simple fact Vincent did what Vincent wanted to do. She didn't want to be the one to stand between him and his goal, especially if that goal had anything to do with Lucrecia. That way led to one having many, many holes blown into one's body by a rather unique looking fire arm. At least the claw was missing.

"Hey, Vinnie. How's it going?" She plastered on a smile as he looked up at her.

"I'm fine Yuffie. How have you been?" He sounded like the same Vincent, polite, quiet. It would help though if he was actually focusing on her instead of addressing someplace over her left shoulder.

"Oh, doing great."

She looked around wishing Cid had at least put Vincent inside someplace. Maybe if she got him to the cat house, she could keep him there out of her father's way, but there was no way she was going to be able to lift Vincent and all his attached chains, much less get him to the small house. Then she noticed someone walking across one of the bridges.

"Heh. Perfect." She smiled at Vincent. "Hey, Vinnie. I'll be right back. 'kay?"

He just blinked slowly at her, or rather at the person who wasn't over her left shoulder.

Yuffie backed away then scampered off. "Hey, Rude! Rude! Do me a favor?"

**00) **

Rude, Reno, and Vincent sat in Turtle's Paradise drinking sake. The two Turks had been on vacation for the last week and hadn't been sober since Rufus had waved the out of his office telling them he'd call then when he wanted them.

"So you gotta get this chick out of the rock." Reno slurred, propping his chin in his hand.

Vincent, now on his fourth bottle of sake, and not even entirely sure who these people were that he was speaking to nodded. They looked like Turks, but he couldn't be sure. They could be funeral directors, or businessmen, or bible salesmen. "Chisel, no good. Drill, no good." He looked towards the blurry form of Rude. "Got a diamond drill through my hand though."

Rude tossed down more sake. "Had to hurt."

Vincent hummed an agreement and downed the rest of his sake. Rude waved for another round. Reno slumped a little more over the table. Silence spread around them in a comfortable ripple.

"Hey!" Reno started up suddenly, causing Vincent to tetter on his chair and Rude to adjust his sunglasses. "Have you tried… nah…forget it." He slumped down again.

"Dynamite did a bit." He held out the crystal shard.

"That's it?" Reno blinked at it. "How much did you use."

Vincent sat staring at nothing for a few minutes. The waitress came and deposited more sake bottles and cleared away the empties. Rude poured more drinks. Reno slumped down to rest his head on the table.

"About a case." Vincent finally said.

"A case of what?" Reno, not lifting his head, downed a cup of sake.

"Dynamite." Vincent drank his sake and set the crystal shard down on the table top.

"Unfocused." Rude nodded to himself.

Vincent nodded too, nudging the shard around on the table with his fingertip.

"I think I know something that'd work." Rude tossed down the rest of his sake and stood up. "Wanna try?"

**00) **

Cloud crept up the mountain trail with his buster sword ready in his hand. Bits of the mountain side, newly disturbed by a huge explosion, slipped under his feet with each of his cautious steps. When he finally got to the cave entrance, he found Reno, Rude, and Vincent sprawled against a boulder drinking sake from a large jug.

"A bit too much plastic." Rude muttered tossing back his sake and pouring himself another cup. He didn't seem to notice that his sunglasses were shattered and hanging at an angle. "Next one…less plastic and more pow."

Reno snatched the sake jug from him. "Pow. That a technical term?"

Vincent waved his cup toward Reno as the red head filled his own. "The crystal's unharmed."

They all looked to where the cave used to be. It had been transformed into a rather charming rock grotto with Lucrecia's crystal standing tall in the center of it with the lesser crystals jutting up around it. With all the debris blown away, each crystal stood two feet taller than before.

"Less plastic." Rude mumbled.

"Why not just use materia?" Cloud scratched his head looking at the three drunk Turks.

Vincent looked up at him like he was the coming of Alexander. "Of course…"

"Nah." Reno shook his head. "No poetry."

"No class." Rude toppled over then straightened himself up, his glasses tipped at even a more extreme angle.

Vincent staggered to his feet. "Try Titan."

**00) **

"Fuck. What are those things made of." Reno leaned back against the wall of Lucrecia's grotto.

"Mako." Cloud lay on the ground staring up at the sky watching it reel back and forth over his head. "Mako's evil stuff."

"You should know." Reno slid down the wall wishing the ground would just stay still.

Rude trudged back up the mountain with four bottles of sake, and a large paper bag. Vincent was laying on his stomach on a boulder muttering incomprehensible things and watching a line of ants crawl over the remains of what looked like a fish that'd been literally blown out of the water.

"Partner!" Reno cheered as he saw Rude. "You're the best partner ever."

Rude nodded and gave a wet sneeze. His sunglasses had been replaced with a cheap pair of Ray Bans and his normally immaculate suite had a definite pattern of Chocobo footprints on it from the ChocoboMog summon.

"Got you a present." He pulled out a plastic frog from the shopping bag.

Vincent turned his head and looked over at it blearily as it burped. "Hardware store."

Rude nodded and dug through the rest of the bag tossing out Old Mideel Chocobo Jerky, a small pen light that had a key ring attachment, a box of Kleenex, a tiny pocket knife the size of his pinkie, and a pack of gum. Reno ignored all of it in favor of grabbing the booze and pouring him and Cloud a cup. Vincent, seeing drinks being poured fell off the boulder and stumbled over for another round.

"Okay, what haven't we tried?" Reno burped after downing a few cups and looking around.

"Shiva."

"Caught a cold." Rude mumbled with a hint of a sniff. "Crystal unharmed."

"Titan?"

"Learned that the crystals go down to the center of the planet." Cloud sighed contentedly as sake worked its way through his system.

"Odin."

"Useless." Vincent lay down with his head pillowed on a rock. "Light show was nice with the crystals."

"Knights of the Round."

Rude shrugged. "Impressive, but useless."

Cloud sighed, "Looks like materia won't do it."

"Could try explosives again." Rude suggested, rubbing his nose.

Reno shook his head. Vincent glared towards where he guessed Rude might be. Cloud took a drink. Rude sat down and poured himself some sake.

"How about heavy armaments? We could tell Tseng we're…uhhh…practicing."

"Sparing with Cloud." Rude supplied then frowned thoughtfully. "What'd we ask for?"

**00) **

"What, is it contagious?" Cid stood looking around the devastation on the side of the mountain with a stoic looking Tseng standing next to him with Elena at his side looking wide eyed and shocked at the four tattered, bleeding forms on the ground. "One fuckin' stupid idiot gets a shitty idea and you all fuckin' caught it?"

Reno waved from where he was laying. "Hey boss, thanks for the ordinance."

Tseng bowed his head and messaged the bridge of his nose. Rude managed a small moan from under a pile of rock. Cloud lifted his head and looked vaguely around, then let it fall back to the ground with a thud. Vincent sat idly playing with a miniature corkscrew that had folded out of the tiny pocket knife. As Cid stepped forward, a bright green plastic frog burped at him from the side of the path.

He turned to Tseng. "I take mine, you take yours, and we never speak of this."

Tseng turned and walked away. "You keep them. I'm leaving."

"Awww, boss. You don't love us no more." Reno wailed.

Tseng paused, shivered for a second, then turned.

Reno cringed at the smile on his face and started wiggling backwards. "Uuuuuhhhhh."

Tseng turned the smile on Cid. "Fine. You take yours, I take mine, and none of this ever happened."

"Rude, Rude man. Get up and start running." Reno tried to get to his feet, but Tseng got there first.

Cid ignored the screaming of the Turks as he slung Vincent over his shoulder and hauled Cloud to his feet. "I fuckin' give up. I'm letting a higher power deal with you two assholes."

**00) **

"So," Tifa stood at the foot of the two beds with her arms crossed. "What have you both learned?"

Cloud, now clean, sober, and bandaged wiggled uncomfortably in the comfortable bed. "Don't play with explosives?"

Tifa's eyes narrowed.

Vincent, clean, sober, chained to the bed, and heavily bandaged gazed unseeingly at the ceiling. "Mako is indestructible."

Tifa's foot started tapping on the floor.

"Those two are complete idiots." Cid stood at the window watching Tifa have a silent melt-down and wondering why he ever followed Cloud into battle against Sephiroth.

Tifa sighed and walked out of the room. She came back in a moment later with a glass and a bottle of what looked like whiskey. She picked up the mako shard that Vincent had managed to chip off the test crystal, put it in the glass, then poured the whisky on it. It bubbled a moment, then melted.

"Fresheman science class in high school." Tifa waved the now melted mako shard under Vincent's nose. "Mako melts in alcohol."

Vincent blinked a few times then sat up. The mythril chains clinked. "Alcohol?"

Tifa nodded. "You would have been better off pouring the sake on the crystals rather than down your throats."

Vincent picked up the glass watching the liquid, now tainted with mako swirl in the glass. "I just need a lot of alcohol?"

**00) **

Vincent stood in front of Lucrecia's crystal. It had been three months and only yesterday had his friends, and a much traveled doctor from Junon, agreed that he was sufficiently recovered to return to free Lucrecia from her crystal. Cid, Cloud, and Tifa were standing behind him, half for moral support, and half to make sure he didn't inflict any more head wounds on his already abused brain. Tifa in particular was rather suspicious and wary, but since he hadn't brought along any tools, and she'd locked all explosives and materia away, she was willing to allow him to try her suggestion.

He walked over and picked up a bottle of cheap whiskey that Tifa had unearthed from the back of Seventh Haven's storage room. He went to the test crystal and carefully poured some of the amber liquid on it. The crystal gleamed wetly for a moment, then bubbled and dissolved, releasing a stream of mako from its core.

"Wow. It worked." Cloud breathed and inched closer.

Tifa glared at him. Cid puffed a few annoyed puffs on his cigarette.

Vincent knelt down letting his fingers run through the liquid. He took a deep breath and turned, then jumped back as he came face to face with Lucrecia. The bottle of whiskey in his hands sloshed and spattered over his cape.

Lucrecia stood looking around her newly remodeled grotto then pinned Vincent with a glare. "What have you been up to?"

"Lucrecia…" Vincent breathed in awe.

She stepped closer and sniffed. "You're drunk!"

"No. No. I just…" Vincent back peddled.

"Then what's that in your hands?" She pointed to the bottle.

Vincent hid it behind his back. "Nothing. Really…"

"Really." Lucrecia drawled then waved a hand around her. "What happened to my cave?"

"Uhhhh…."

Lucrecia turned away from him and looked over to where Tifa stood with Cid and Cloud. She winked at Tifa and gave her a quick grin, then turned a stern face to Vincent. "I can't believe what a mess you've made."

"I'll clean it up." Vincent looked around at the devastation. "It won't take long."

Lucrecia nodded. "You had better. And don't think your friends are going to help you either. You'll have to do it yourself."

Tifa waved goodbye and poked Cloud into moving. Cid waved to the woman and left. They were gone in seconds. Vincent watched them go then turned to face his love. She smiled. He stepped back wide eyed.

"It's just you and me and the lake, Vincent." She stepped closer. "It might take a while to get everything back in order."

She stepped even closer.

Vincent gulped.

"Remember, when cleaning, it's best if you put your back into it." She grinned and let one finger flick at the clasp of the cape.

Vincent blinked a few times then smiled down into her eyes. "I missed you."

Lucrecia stretched up onto her toes and kissed him very lightly. "I missed you to."

Somewhere a plastic frog burped in the gathering dusk.

* * *

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